While it’s somewhat odd to think of Malin’s departure as imminent, it is nonetheless definitive, and we’re currently in the process of preparing our application for a new Au Pair, presumably to join us next January.  For the last two years, we’ve had Laura and Malin watching our boys while we work, and joining our family in their off hours, and without a doubt this has been the best possible arrangement for us.  Initially the boys simply couldn’t have handled the germophilic environment of daycare,  and having an Au Pair has certainly enriched Katie and my experience.

But as we were working on preparing our application, Katie mentioned that it was possible that we could put the boys into the Boeing daycare next January instead of immediately bringing a new Au Pair into our home.  I hadn’t really thought about it before, so initially I was very cool to the idea, but she’s kept at it and so now we’re in full evaluation mode.  The boys are normal (ish) 2 year olds, with boundless energy and curiosity.  We’ve heard nothing but positive things about the Boeing daycare center (run by Bright Horizons).

Financially, it’s pretty close to a wash.  It might be slightly cheaper to have an Au Pair, but the Boeing Daycare means that Katie could (if she chose) work full time again, and that would more than offset the difference.  It was a different story when they were younger (more expensive for infants), and would be different again if we had another child, but for almost 3-year olds it’s pretty much a wash.

For Katie and I, the primary differences would be a) having to get the boys up and out the door in the morning instead of leaving that to Malin, b) having to scramble to cover for the daycare when the boys get sick (which presumably they will, a lot), and c) no longer having an Au Pair with us in the evenings or weekends, or on family vacations or outings.

For the boys, I worry that Nicholas especially will have trouble with being dropped off in the morning.  He cries for Mama whenever I’m alone with him (which really, really sucks – it’s hard enough just to see him so had and not be able to help, and more than a little difficult to avoid feeling inadequate), thought apparently Malin says he only cries for a short while after we leave.  They’d also be in a much less controlled environment, which is inevitable, but kind of scary to contemplate as a parent.  At home, we have absolute control over who they play with and what they do, but we’d lose that in the daycare setting.  And we love and trust Malin, and know she’d protect the boys as if they were her own – and while I’ve no doubts regarding the competence of the daycare staff, the relationship wouldn’t be as strong.

On the plus side, they’d get to play with other children every day, something we simply haven’t been able to accomplish with our current arrangement, which would certainly help with their social (and language) skills.  Second, since they’d spend a lot more time out of our home, they might not be quite so bored with it (and with their own toys).  I think they feel cooped up at home sometimes, and while playing with trains is fun, how many days straight can it last?  In general, I think they’d be much better stimulated in daycare, with more projects, more activities, and more variety.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?  Do you think they’re old enough for daycare?  Or should we be looking for another au pair, and be working hard to arrange more regular playdates, and memberships or enrollment in other groups or locations (as we currently have with the zoo and the children’s museum)?

And dumb as it may seem, I can’t help but feel like we’re losing their childhood.  I mean, I know we’re already outsourcing some of their development to Malin, but once they enter daycare if feels like they’ll be entering “the system”, and school would be just around the corner, and we’re only parents for a few hours in the evening and on the weekends.  And even so, I can’t seriously contemplate staying home with them.  I love them to death, of course, but I can’t come up with enough things to keep them stimulated (let alone myself).  I think Katie’s in a similar place herself, and if she stayed home, I think she’d feel like she was losing the inertia she’s built behind her career in the last few years, and I think she’d go a little bit nuts with the loss of constant adult interaction.

<sigh>