Four days before Laura was to leave us and the day before her last day working, the boys finally got to her.  Granted, the day before she had been bumped by a car in the Everett Mall parking lot as she broke down the stroller to put in the back of the van.  It was raining, she wasn’t in the street, and the car didn’t even stop.  Who does that kind of thing?  Thankfully, Laura wasn’t hurt in the incident.  However, she did roll her ankle when the car backed into her and she did catch a cold as she sat in the rain getting her wits about her.

The next day, I was sitting at work when I got the call.  Laura called in tears and asked for me to come home.  The boys had broken her.  Laura lasted so much longer than even Joel or I.  She was a rock.   It was great to have an excuse to leave work early and I didn’t mind one bit.  I rushed home, sent Laura to bed and attempted to keep the boys amused.  That didn’t last too long and then an idea struck.  Why don’t I take them to my alergy shot with me?  Brilliant!

I loaded the boys into Kanga (the van) and off we went.  They were happy to hit the road.  When we got to the clinic where I get my alergy shots, I thought, what’s the harm in having them walk in with me.  We don’t need the stroller.  (You see, I hadn’t managed yet to figure out how to set up or take down the van stroller so of course I rationalized the fact that it would be easy to get them to behave perfectly.  Ha ha ha ha ha – you see that I was clearly dilusional.)

So, I got Nicholas out first and carried him around to Dexter’s side of the van.  I sat him on the floor of Kanga while I unhooked Dexter.  Nicholas didn’t move.  I got them both out of Kanga, grabbed their hands and started to walk.  Second mistake – I was wearing heels and thus looked like the hunch back of Notre Dame walking in with the boys.  Dexter did not like the elevator ride but still walked quietly with me to the allergist.  Everyone came out to ooh and ahh over them while I signed in.  They sat on my laps like pros, quietly taking everything in.  Slight problem when I had to let go of their hands in order to get my shots and ended up having to hold Dexter during the process.  We left as quietly as we came in.

Wow – this was going great.  Why not stop by their doctor’s office and see about the H1N1 booster.  We walked down the hallway, no problem.  The problem arose when we reached their doctor’s office.  The boys recognized it.  No longer were they content with holding my hand.  In unison, they dropped my hands and took off in different directions.  Crap.  I rangled toddlers, managed to ask my H1N1 question and then  off they went - Dexter and Nicholas both loved the aquarium tank.

I attempted to grab their hands to leave with no avail.  Finally, in desperation, I pulled out a make-up bag from my purse and handed it to Dexter.  This seemed to appease him and he let me hold his hand.  Nicholas had a coffee cup lid.  I grabbed his hand and said “let’s run.”  So we did a little jog to get moving and it worked.  By this time, I had built up a sweat.  Then Dexter dropped the bag.  Crap.  If I let go, they would be off running on their own.  So, I told Dexter 4 times, “pick up the bag, Dexter” and he did.  A few more steps forward and Nicholas dropped the lid.  “Help” I cried inside.  “Nicky – pick up the lid – we do not litter.”  Finally, he picked up the lid.

We made it outside.  We made it to Kanga.  The keys were in my pocket and both hands were holding on tightly to boys who wanted to run.  I tried to hold on to their hands with one of mine while I fumbled for the keys.  Nicholas escaped but luckily headed for the gravel pit away from the traffic.  Dexter headed for the traffic.  I got the door open.  I snagged Dexter and placed him in the van.  I scooped up a not happy with me Nicholas and plopped him next to Dexter.  I blocked the way out and threw Dexter into his car seat.  One buckle to hold him in and then it was Nicholas’s turn.  Once Nicky was buckled in, I went back to Dexter and finished him off.  I breathed a sigh of relief and colapsed into the driver’s seat.  I was so lucky.  How stupid was it to take on two boys by myself?  I won’t make that mistake again for a little while.

(okay, seriously, how do you possibly take two toddlers out in public without a stroller or a second set of hands?  I mean, unless they’re strapped to something, how do you open a door, or put one into the car, without having the other one run out into the street and get hit by a bus?  I’m seriously contemplating handcuffs…  -Joel)

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