The other night, as usual, I was getting dinner ready.  I had already added the grapes to a salad Joel and I were having but I still needed to cut some up for the boys.  As I picked a new group of grapes, I noticed that there was something whitish near the vine.  I tried to get it out with one pair of scissors but those were too dull, so I set the grapes down on the counter and reached for another pair of scissors.  I then picked up the grapes.  There, on the counter where the grapes had been was a hairy little SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I shrieked like someone was trying to kill me.  ”SPIDER” I shouted.  Joel and the boys were sitting on the couch at the time, looking at a book or his phone, I’m not sure which one.  Their heads popped up when I started screaming.  Dexter ran over to look at the spider.  Joel wasn’t really reacting.  I shouted  ”IT’S A BABY TARANTULA and IT’S MOVING!!!!!”  Joel yelled back “then kill it.”  I looked at him with a “Are you kidding me?” look on my face and then gave my best war yell, which sounded more like a horror flick scream and slammed a napkin down on a very sluggishly moving hairy spider, and jumped about 3 inches into the air.  I carefully pulled the napkin off the counter, expecting the spider to lunge at me.  It was squished.  I poked at it, waiting for it to move again and just decided I had better give it a really good squish.  Into the garbage it went.  Visions of the movie Arachnophobia entered my head.  Joel kindly took out the garbage.  I had a really hard time getting the boys grapes for the meal.  I must have looked at every inch of the grape vine, looking for other spiders.  Then I spent a good 20 minutes on the internet looking for spiders in grapes to see if it really was a baby tarantula.

The next day, I asked the boys what fruit I should eat for lunch.  They said grapes.  I swear, I must have post traumatic stress syndrome because it was seriously hard to eat more grapes.  I was incredibly jumpy after that.

(this might be a sign that we’ll have to meet you in New Zealand, Laura.  Not sure Katie can handle Australia…)

Well, we all survived our first hunger strike – a bit battered and bruised – but all still standing and still liking each other, which is a good thing.  You see, I clearly have a problem with food.  I like food.  If I don’t eat on a certain schedule, I get irritable.  Joel learned early on in our relationship to carry snacks with him in order to appease me.  Pregnancy reduced the need for the snacks, and I am now able to go much longer without food.  Funny that.

Anyway, I feel that the boys should eat healthy meals and should eat at every meal.  It drives me nuts that when I work hard to make a good, decent meal and call out “Dinner”, and no one shows up.  Even with warnings that dinner is coming, it can sometime be a struggle to get people to the table.  This is unacceptable.  Also, the boys don’t eat my cooking.  They look at something and say “no”.  Last night, I made a very benign pasta broccoli cheese casserole.  They like all three ingredients.  Mixing them together however drove them to a hunger strike.

Joel and I have decided I am not a short order cook.  Last night was the last straw.  You will eat the casserole or not have dinner.  They decided to skip dinner in favor of Legos.  We told them it would be waiting for them the next morning (yes, Laura, we’re trying to channel Cathy here.  Or was it Karl?).  The next morning, we put out their dinner.  The response “I’m not eating that – Ever.”  OK then, be hungry.  Didn’t phase them.  Nicholas and Dexter played happily with Legos all morning long.  Lunch time rolled around.  I’ll do my best at quoting Nicky “I’m hungry Mommy, but not for that. I’m never going to eat that.”  Boy, are they stubborn.  I was ready to crack but Joel reminded me over and over again, it is not our problem.  They need to learn.  Either they could learn that we mean what we say and crying won’t get them out of consequences, or that if they’re pathetic and despondent enough we’ll eventually do anything to help them recover.  It’s our job to put good food in front of them, it’s not our job to get it into them.  We provided them good food.  It was their choice not to eat.

Dexter broke first around 2:30pm.  He ate half of the casserole, then decided he was not that hungry after-all and left the table (sort of – he still wanted Cinnamon Life, but Joel wasn’t in the mood for half measures).  Nicholas turned into a little monster around 3:30pm.  This was his first experience with real hunger but refused to recognize it as such and thought he was sick.  He started to cry.  My heart was breaking.  Joel was out shopping and I needed a pep talk.  He authorized TV as an enticement and red sauce.  I tried.  At 4pm, Nicky finally decided that with red sauce, sprinkles, and parmesan, he would eat most of his pasta.  Dexter had already come back and finished his pasta.

In the end, I’m not sure who won.  As soon as Nicholas ate enough to get me to say he could eat something else, he dropped his “I’m dying” act and was all smiles as he chowed down on lots of other food.

Why do I care so much about food?????

One last note – after dinner, we were still sitting at the table but Nicholas had started to walk off.  He saw the plug to the popcorn maker, and did what all little boys do – grabbed it and looked for something to stick it in.  Joel noticed and called his name twice, before Nic responded.  Nic didn’t like being told not to touch it and got all pouty, and asked why he couldn’t plug it in.  Joel explained the potential joys of electrocution, and Nic seemed to accept this, dropped the plug and walked off to play.  Dex nodded sagely and declared, “Nicky learned a lesson.”

We’re all adjusting to no longer having Kyla come over every other week to clean the house.  This is our first week without help, and it’s a bit rough going.  Katie got the kitchen spotless, until dinner time anyway, when spaghetti splattered everywhere.  Oh well – she hadn’t gotten the floors yet, so now she had extra incentive.  Anyway, I was giving the boys a bath so that she could get the floors cleaned, and I was talking to the boys about it.  We’re trying to figure out how to get them to think of cleaning as something we all have to help to do, without actually getting any of their help since we want it done “right”.  Katie can just about handle the boys helping fold laundry (they match socks, and fold underwear – two very important skills), but I don’t think she’s going to go for windows, cleaning toilets, sweeping, or clearing the gutters.  Anyway, I was lamenting to the boys how Kyla cleaned our whole house in less than 3 hours, but it take Mommy and Daddy 8 or 9 hours.  So I said, “maybe we’ll have to go read a book on how to clean bathrooms faster.”

Dex thought that was a great idea, and declared, “I’m gonna make one.  Tomorrow!  I’ll draw the pictures, and Daddy, you can write down the words I tell you.”

Nic was confused, “but Dexter, how are you going to make the pages stick together?”

“Uh, Uh, Uh, OH!- I know!  A glue stick!”

“A ‘blue stick’?  What’s a ‘blue stick?’”  Nic asked?

“Glue stick are – oh, BLUE sticks!  That’s funny, Nicky!”

Well, a week has gone by and my oh my, what a serious roller-coaster ride it has been.  Last Friday, I went back to work for one day, seeing that my leave of absence was up.  It was a good day too – catching up and helping out.  It flew by and showed me that I do appreciate my job.  The weekend came and went – a slow weekend with not that much going on.  Then came Monday, literally the day from Hell.

I wasn’t prepared for the day and the boys just started fighting with each other right out of the gate.  I can’t count how many full blown tantrums we had, but I do remember the last one of the night.  It was bath time.  Dexter needed just one more minute with Legos.  He cannot stop building and taking apart Legos.  It’s like a compulsive disorder.  On the plus side, once Nicholas sees Dexter going down the tantrum path, he usually becomes an angel.  So, Joel fought to get Dexter upstairs.  Joel was going to give both boys a shower because he knew what kind of day I had had but Dexter would not cooperate.  I sent Nic and Joel to the shower and ran a bath for Dex in the other bathroom.  This was what he wanted, right?  Nope, he had changed his mind and started rolling around on the floor like a caterpillar.  Finally, I scooped him up, stripped off his clothes and placed him in the bath.  Then the wailing started.  Speaking softly and calmly, I quickly washed him with the promise we’d be done soon.  He went down hill from there.  I have never seen him so distraught.  Lying in bath water on his back, his whole body submerged, crying from the depths of his soul and repeating over and over, “I don’t like Mommy.”  I wanted to cry.  Finally, not knowing what else to do because all my soothing bag of tricks didn’t work, I drained the water and placed a towel over him because he would not budge from the bathtub.  I gently lifted out my fighter, dried him off and finally did something that snapped him out of his tantrum.  He turned and looked at me and asked me why I was all wet.  Hmmm – maybe because you were splashing up a storm in the bathtub?  Joel read to the boys while I changed into dry clothes.  After putting them to bed, the only energy I had left was to sit and look into space, wondering if I should go back to work.  If my being home was causing so much hardship on the boys, then maybe I shouldn’t be at home.  After all, we were always told by the au pairs that they were great with them.

Tuesday – a brand new day and I wasn’t going to let the day before get to me.  Nicky woke up on the happy side of the bed.  Hip hip hurray!  Dexter slept in and woke up on the happy side of the bed.  HIP HIP HURRAY!!!  Breakfast was consumed, clothes put on, teeth brushed.  Ok – so far so good.  But then Dexter started down the grumpy road.  Oh no – quick – need a distraction.  It was such a nice day, how about we call Uncle Too Tall and ask him to meet us at Garfield park (fantastic park by the way).  The boys thought this was an excellent idea.  Crisis averted.  Playtime resumed until it was time to jump in the car to go to the park.  Fun was had with Uncle Ryan.  A treat followed with lunch at Alfy’s pizza – home of free video games.  Thank you Ryan, for showing them how to use a Nintendo remote control.  If you had let me play video games when we were kids, I might be able to help too.  ;)  Then we got to go to Toys R Us to LOOK at, not BUY, toys.  A quick trip to Michaels for Thanksgiving crafts followed.  Back at home, everyone was still being nice to each other.

When Joel came home, the boys knocked him over with hugs.  Joel then hooked the computer up to the TV so that we could watch the news coverage of the election.  This led to all sorts of questions by the boys and they now ask about Mitt and Obama daily.  The evening ended with no fights.  Balance was restored.

Wednesday – balance was knocked back out again on the way to preschool but Dexter snapped out of it on the drive to school.  It didn’t help that the boys got their flu shots that morning and their arms hurt something fierce.  The drive to preschool was silent – so silent in fact, that Nicholas fell asleep.  Not knowing this, when I parked, I turned around to ask if we could all do a reset and saw that Nicky was asleep.  I looked at Dex, he looked at Nicky, we looked at each other and both snorted with laughter.  ”Mommy, what are you going to do now?” asked Dexter.  Good question and then Nic’s eye’s fluttered awake.  The rest of the evening was a bit of a roller coaster ride – pain + fighting over what’s for dinner even though I made chicken nuggets to avoid a fight occurred.  We skipped the bath and put them to bed early.

Thursday – craft morning plus meeting Joel in the afternoon for a cold but fun time at Kasch park put the evening in the plus column.  I took over the bath portion of the night after Joel walked off for a personal time out.  Those boys – this time Nicholas – really know how to push buttons.  His before bath tantrum involved not knowing how to walk up stairs and falling back down them.  He ended up losing a story, which made the situation worse, but with Nicky, if you don’t pay attention to the tantrum, he eventually gets bored with his acting and does what he is told.  Then he remembered he’d lost a story “Fine then, I wont’ get any stories and I’ll sleep forever.”  Seriously, the drama is amazing.  Four (if you count the two Dexter gets), less one, does not equal none.  I can’t wait until they get the concept of math.

Lights out earlier, but I think we’ll push it to 7:30pm tonight seeing that last night still involved threats and crying.

So, here we are.  It’s Friday.  This morning has gone reasonably well with a visit to Dexter’s OT at Monroe Elementary school.  Nicky gets to tag along and they both love the gross motor activities she has for them.  Today, they also got to work on fine motor skills with using and Ipad.  I think we need one now.  Yes Joel, it takes time for me to snap out of the 90′s but I eventually, sometimes, get there.  They are currently at preschool.  We’ll see which way tonight swings.  Wish us luck.

We just finished a fairly low key weekend.  Dex was feeling pretty crappy on Friday, with a fever of 101 and a cough, so we took it easy.  Today we hit the Pacific Science Center, and watched a cool movie about Monarch butterflies.  It was a 3D IMAX movie, and it was the first time we’d ever taken the boys to see a 3D movie, and only the 4th movie they’ve seen in a theater.  We learned from our last IMAX film and brought them earmuffs (the last one was about trains, and was LOUD).  This worked well for Dex, though the 3D glasses were a bit tight.  Anyway, I mention this because I’ve seen 3D movies before, and mostly found them a little irritating.  Okay, so Avatar made my stomach flip a little with the heights, and I remember the Terminator ride at Universal Studios, and the blade coming out of the screen at my eyes was a little disconcerting (as in, it was a good thing I’d used the bathroom before hand or I might have peed myself), but mostly it just gives me a headache and really doesn’t make me feel like I’m “in” the movie or anything.  Well, enter the young (and sort of innocent) minds of a child, and I guess things are a little different.  Nic was incredibly confused at the start, and couldn’t figure out if the guy talking was real or not (the fact that he would have been 40 stories tall if real *should* have been a clue).  When they tested the sound system, and said “we can take you into a forest, or into a cave…  Uh oh, Bats!”  Nic apparently closed his eyes and hid for a few minutes.  As the movie progressed, he flinched and hid a few times, like when a tractor swept overhead, or when a caterpillar fell from a branch.  He certainly seemed into it.  The really cool part, though, was later, as movie ended with millions of butterflies flying through a bright-blue sky, and Nic reached out to touch one, and then another, and another.  Maybe you had to be there, but it was very innocent and magical.

When we got home we mostly putzed.  I finally started trying to sort through the 4,000 photos we’ve taken this year, and succeeded in deleting about 1,800 when I get called out to “play”.  Katie and the boys are hiding on the stairs, with swords, yelling that they’re the good guys, and that I should run around and try to get them.  I started walking, slowly, and they started yelling after me, and finally stopped yelling and started asking Mommy, “is he coming?  I can’t hear him…”  Which is about when I launched 4 pillows over the wall of the staircase and onto their heads from behind.  The next time around I grabbed the toy handguns, and ambushed them.  Finally, I slipped out to the garage, grabbed a battle axe and warhammer (just to be clear, they were foam), and staged my assault.  Eventually I retreated upstairs, with one revolver, and hid.  I hid too well, and they couldn’t find me, even though Nic walked right by me once (he didn’t open the closet door, and it’s a good thing too, or I’d have let him have it).  Finally Katie calls out, “it’s okay, Joel, they’re back downstairs.”  So then they came up again, saw me, and attacked, eventually killing me, heading downstairs, and yelling at me to hide again.  That time I slipped into their bathroom and jumped into the tub, and waited.  It’s amazing how loud your breath sounds when you’re waiting to shoot your sons.  Eventually Nic ambles into the bathroom and I jump out and shoot him about a bazillion times, but he managed one shot off the him that, predictably, proved terminal for me.  Little buggers.

And finally, bedtime.  We were all a little off due to the time change, and we couldn’t tell if the boys were ready for bed or not.  We’d been giving Dex some medicine for his cough, so I asked him if he felt congested.  He answered, “I think maybe there’s 4, or 5 things in there.”  ”Five?” I asked.  ”Six,” he answered.  I’m getting a lot of practices at keeping a straight face when talking to Dexter.  ”I’m not sure if that’s a lot or not, Dex.  Do you think you need medicine?”  ”Yes.  The holes are so buggers can get up there.  Daddy, where do buggers come from?”  After we got them settled, we went downstairs, but I had to head up a couple of minutes later when it sounded like the boys ahd opened their door.  It turned out it wasn’t the door, but they’d put their reading lights on their headboards.  Dex had a book on his pillow and was looking at it.  Nic’s light was on, shining on his face, but he had no book.  I went up to Dex, and he hid his head in his bed and pretended to be asleep.  I said, “Dex, it’s okay, you’re allowed to read,” and he popped back up and started thumbing through a Clifford book.  I went over to Nic, and asked if he was okay, or if wanted his light off.  He said, “I’m waiting for my turn with the book.  Dexter said he’d give it to me when he was done.”  So I left them too it.  About 5 minutes later I went back to check on them.  Dex was pretending to sleep, with his light still on, but no book.  Nic was asleep, almost exactly where I’d left him, the light still on, but a book leaning against his head.  I went over to him, turned off his light, and took the book away gently, and kissed him good night.

Then I went over to Dex.  His light was still on, but his eyes were shut.  I put my face right up to his and waited.  A moment later one of his eyes opened, then shut tightly again.  I said, “Dexter, are you awake?”  No answer.  ”Dex, do you need anything?”  No answer.  ”Dex, I know you’re awake.”  No answer.  ”Would you like a drink of water?”  He nods his head, eyes still closed, and then opens his mouth.  ”No, Dex, you should sit up to take a drink.”  He sits up, and I hand him his bottle.  Then he lays back down and closes his eyes.  ”Would you like me to turn off your light?”  ”Yes.  But I need to put it away.”  He bends the flexible part so the light hides behind his headboard.

“Are you okay now, Dex?  Do you need a hug, or for me to rock you?”

“…  yes….”  So I pick him up, give him a hug, and rock for a moment.  Then he starts pushing with his leg, so I ask “are your ready to get back in bed?”

“Yes.”  So I put him back in bed, and am about to leave when he says, “he’s not even looking at it.”

“What’s that, Dex?”

“I gave the book back to Nicky, but he’s not even looking at it.”

“You mean the Clifford book?”

“Yes.”

“Dex, was Nicky awake when you gave him the book?”

“…  no…”

“And you set it on his head?”

“…  yes…”

<sigh>  ”You know, Dex, next time I think if Nic’s asleep, you don’t need to give him the book back.  Do you want to look at it now?”

“Yes!”

So I gave him back his book, kissed him good night, and left.  I just want to make it clear that I have absolutely no idea where my boys get their smart-ass-ness from.  Certainly not my side of the family…